you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
