Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
