you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can I color on your dick again?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
