Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
