You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The air was thick with penises
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
