What a fucking waste of an outfit
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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