Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
