The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
