he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
