Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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