dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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