There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize