you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
