Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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