we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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