If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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