So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
