whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
