My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
