Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
