when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
