Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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