I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
