When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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