Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
