piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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