Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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