I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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