I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
