just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
