Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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