how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
