based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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