After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
