I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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