He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
