definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
