I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
