who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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