OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
