I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
