you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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