she woke up with a sticky ear
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
