My liver just broke up with me...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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