sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
