she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
