Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
