I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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