Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
