During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
