At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
