I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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