You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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